


One Last Time

by Lovelyziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Happy Ending, M/M, because I refuse to write anything without one, but he's not actually in this fic, but there's a, mentions of louis, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-28 15:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18759049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovelyziam/pseuds/Lovelyziam
Summary: “It’s getting old, Liam. I’m fucking tired all the time.”Liam still didn’t know what to say, so he settled for, “I-I, uh, I c-can’t really sleep, either.” He dropped his eyes to Zayn’s scuffed sneakers before finishing with, “’aven’t been able to since, well, since...” Liam trailed off, the words since we broke up hanging unsaid in between them.Or Liam hasn't been able to sleep since their breakup, but he's missed so much more than just sleep. Somehow, him and Zayn find a way to fix that.





	One Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> This story was based on the first prompt from [this](https://nadiahilker.tumblr.com/post/146473062490/post-break-up-au) list and written for an anon I received on [tumblr](https://lovlieziam.tumblr.com/post/184741833386/hey-its-same-anon-from-before-and-yeah).

Liam stared at his alarm clock, the bright letters glaring back at him. It was five in the morning and he’d barely slept a wink. He hadn’t been able to sleep through the night for a month, and though he knew why he was still unwilling to admit it to himself.

He’d sooner overdose on caffeine than admit he couldn’t sleep without someone curled around him. And okay, maybe not just _someone_ because he’d already tried that. He’d begged Louis to cuddle with him those first couple of nights—thought maybe just having someone there would ease some of the pain in his chest enough to pass out. But Louis wasn’t the person Liam needed next to him, and Liam had still tossed and turned as Louis grumbled behind him, slurring out half coherent words about Liam just holding still for five minutes. Liam hadn’t, and Louis had eventually gotten tired of the restless nights as well.

Not that Liam had blamed him. Louis was just being a good friend, agreeing to a cuddle in order to try and ease the pain he knew Liam was feeling. It had worked a little—just knowing Louis was there, that Liam had a friend like him was enough to keep him sane those first couple of weeks. Now, however, it had been a little over a month and Liam still wasn’t sleeping. He couldn’t sleep with someone next to him, and he sure as shit couldn’t sleep by himself.

As reluctant as he was to admit it to himself, he fucking missed Zayn. Liam knew it was Zayn who could allow him to sleep again, even if it was sheer stubbornness that was keeping him away. How pathetic would he look if he went crawling back to the man for a cuddle after they’d broken up? Especially when he knew he still had feelings for Zayn, and Liam didn’t think they’d go away anytime soon—Liam didn’t think they’d go away ever. Liam was miserable and he longed for Zayn next to him again, even if it was just for one last peaceful night.

Liam had been watching digital numbers of his clock slowly tick upward for a half an hour when he heard a knock on the door that immediately brought him out of his Zayn induced thoughts and made his heart speed up a couple beats. Who could possibly be knocking on his door at five in the morning? The sun hadn’t even started to rise.

Liam slowly drug himself out of bed, his steps hesitant and his entire body tense as he crept towards the front door. He was wary and just plane _exhausted_ and maybe that’s why his brain wasn’t able to process what he was looking at when he swung the door open. At least, that’s what Liam was going to use as an excuse when he just stood there in the open doorway, his jaw slack and eyes wide as he just _stared_ at the man stood in front of him.

“Um, hi?” Zayn said, his own nerves present in the way he was fidgeting on Liam’s porch. Liam, again, didn’t say anything. He just stood there staring at Zayn—who was still in his pajama’s, the old looney tunes one Liam had gotten for him on their first Christmas as a couple, and fuck didn’t that make his heart beat a little faster—like an idiot. In Liam’s defense, Zayn really was one of the last people Liam was expecting to see, even if he was the only person Liam wanted to see.

“Liam?” Zayn whispered, and he looked so unsure and lost that it took all of Liam’s will power to not rush forward and wrap himself around the man. God, but he missed Zayn a lot.

“W-what are you do-ing here?” Liam’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, and he wanted to blame that, too, on the lack of sleep, but he knew better. The crack in his voice was caused purely by the emotions he was struggling to hold back.

Zayn ducked his head down, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in obvious embarrassment. Liam’s hand twitched by his side, and he had to force back the urge to tuck his hand under Zayn’s chin and bring Zayn’s eyes up like he used to do. He wasn’t entirely sure the gesture would be well received, even if it was Zayn who had turned up on his doorstep.

“I, um. Well…” Zayn trailed off, a stammer in his voice that Liam knew well. Zayn knew exactly what he wanted—and Liam was sure he wanted something, otherwise he wouldn’t be here—but he had no idea how to say what he wanted. Liam felt a small, bittersweet smile pull at the corners of his mouth. Zayn really had no reason to be nervous, Liam knew he’d give the man anything he asked for.

Liam watched as Zayn seemed to steel himself, squaring his shoulders before bringing his eyes to meet Liam’s in almost a challenge. “I can’t sleep, Liam.”

Liam felt his own eyes blink a couple times, surprise no doubt written in the lines of his face. He was just…a little confused? Out of all the things he expected Zayn to say, that was one of the last things.

“Uh, I’m…sorry?” Liam said. He was still very much processing—he wasn’t entirely sure why Zayn showed up at five in the morning to tell him he couldn’t sleep, and the very little sleep he’d received himself over the last month really isn’t doing him any favors.

“It’s getting old, Liam. I’m fucking tired all the time.”

Liam nodded, still at a complete loss for what to do. He was just so hopelessly confused. Zayn obviously had a point, but sometimes he talked in circles that Liam couldn’t understand on a full night’s sleep, let alone when he had slept a grand total of possibly twenty minutes last night. It wasn’t until Zayn had just stared at him for a full minute that Liam realized Zayn wanted more than just a head nod in response.

Liam still didn’t know what to say, so he settled for, “I-I, uh, I c-can’t really sleep, either.” He dropped his eyes to Zayn’s scuffed sneakers before finishing with, “’aven’t been able to since, well, since...” Liam trailed off, the words _since we broke up_ hanging unsaid in between them. The way Zayn shifted in front of him suggested that he knew exactly what Liam was referring to, even if he hadn’t said it. Liam heard Zayn let out a heavy sigh, causing Liam to raise his gaze back up to Zayn’s.

“It’s, um, I think it’s because I’m so used to you sleeping next to me?” Liam looked away again as he spoke. He couldn’t exactly look at Zayn while he admitted this. “It just…it’s not the same. It’s harder to fall asleep when ‘m not. Well. Y’know.” Liam shrugged, bringing his arms up to wrap around himself. He hated feeling this vulnerable in front of Zayn. It was different when they were still together—then he had every confidence that Zayn wouldn’t think him weak for showing a softer side, but now he wasn’t sure. After their break up, everything had been so _different_. It was all uncharted territory, and Liam was drowning in the unknown.

Zayn breathed out a soft _Li_ in front of him, and Liam felt his heart constrict in his chest. He missed Zayn _so fucking much_ and hearing his name whispered like that only made him ache for the man more. Liam still refused to look up, afraid of what Zayn might discover in his expression if he did.

“Me, too, Li, and I just want to fucking _sleep._ ” Zayn took a small step forward, and Liam finally looked up to meet his eyes. “D’you think we could, um, maybe…” Zayn broke eye contact for a beat, swallowing harshly before looking back to Liam. “Maybe we could just nap together one more time? Just so we can both finally get some sleep, of course.”

It was Liam’s turn to swallow around the lump in his throat. He should say no, every instinct in him was telling him to deny Zayn and close the door—this could only lead to Liam’s heart being broken even further—but he was so _desperate_ for it. He missed Zayn so fucking much and one last night with the boy wrapped around him was all he wanted. He wanted to be selfish, even if it would end up being his downfall. Plus, Zayn was looking at him with those big, sad eyes and Liam had never been able to deny him anything.

“Yeah,” Liam breathed out because he was weak when it came to Zayn, even if he had had the last month to try and build up a tolerance. And Liam was tired. He was so fucking tired. He would do almost anything to get a few hours of restful sleep, even if it meant putting a few more fractures in his already shattered heart. “Yeah, that sounds great.”

Zayn sagged with relief in front of him, stepping forward to enter Liam’s house as Liam stepped back to let him in. Zayn was quick to remove his shoes and jacket, already heading towards Liam’s bedroom with a determined gait. Liam trailed behind him, his hesitance seeming to leave him with every step nearer to their destination.

When Liam entered his bedroom after Zayn he was terrified it was going to be awkward, but it took one look at Zayn perched on his bed—his hair a mess and his lips turned up in a wobbly, hopeful smile—for Liam to relax, once and for all throwing caution to the wind. This was _Zayn_ , and even if they had broken up he was still the one person Liam trusted more than anything—he was still the man Liam had fallen so hopelessly in love with in the first place, and Liam figured he probably always would love him.

So, he did the only thing he figured was logical in that moment and crawled in the bed with Zayn. Zayn made a space for him, opening his arms and allowing Liam to settle into his chest before tucking his face into the curve of Zayn’s neck. Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam’s back, settling his chin over Liam’s head and lifting a leg over Liam’s hip just like he used to. Liam found himself melting into Zayn’s arms, the familiar sense of safety and belonging overtaking him.

This was the reason that Liam never found himself able to sleep, even with Louis’ presence. It wasn’t just the physical company Liam needed, but the feeling of being completely surrounded that Zayn always seemed to give him. In Zayn’s arms, Liam always felt and overwhelming surge of love and security—like all Liam needed to make it through even the most difficult of days was Zayn’s bright smile and the warmth he radiated at all times. The lads had always made fun of Liam’s habit of tucking himself into Zayn no matter where they were, but the feeling of Zayn surrounding Liam had always felt a little like home. He missed it so fucking much.

Zayn let out a content little sigh from above Liam, and Liam found himself relaxing even further into their embrace. It was almost too easy to forget about their breakup—about the reasons they had broken up in the first place. Liam could feel sleep quickly creeping up on him, and he knew he’d be out cold in the next few moments. Liam heard Zayn whisper out a quick and barely there _I still love you, Li. So fucking much_ before he was pulled into unconsciousness.

__

Liam woke up feeling thoroughly warm, and perfectly content. He was more well rested than he had been in months, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had been so reluctant to leave his own bed. The reality of why he was feeling this way came back to him slowly, but when it did he had to force himself to stay still where he lay. He was already panicking and waking Zayn up would only cause him to panic further.

Liam had no idea what he was supposed to do. He was too well rested to go back to sleep—and he was choosing to ignore _why_ he was so well rested; he knew, thanks, and he didn’t fancy increasing his own anxiety by dwelling on that fact—but he was also quite literally crushed in Zayn’s arms. Liam had always jokingly compared Zayn to an octopus when they’d been dating, but for good reason. Zayn was all arms and legs when they cuddled—not that Liam had ever minded, he _liked_ being completely surrounded by Zayn. Now, however, it was an issue. A big one. It made Liam’s brain kick into overthinking mode.

What was going to happen when Zayn woke up? A curt ‘thanks’ and then he’d be on his way? A drawn-out conversation about the thoughtless cuddle they’d both so readily agreed to? Liam doubted either would happen, but he feared both. Where were they even supposed to go from here? They’d been rather successful in avoiding each other since the breakup, but now Zayn had purposefully sought Liam out, and Liam had all but jumped on the opportunity to spend one last night with Zayn. Liam knew the reasoning behind his own actions—he was still so ridiculously gone for the boy, _of course_ he’d take any chance to be close to him again—but what were Zayn’s? Had he actually just sought Liam out so he could finally get some sleep, or was there something more? And furthermore, did Liam actually hear Zayn talking to him before he fell asleep, or was his drowsy brain already conjuring up fantasies?

Liam was so fucking confused. He knew he needed to get out of there, and he needed to do it now. But he couldn’t—if he tried to extract himself, he would no doubt wake Zayn up. Liam felt his panic slowly start crawling its way up his chest; his throat constricting painfully as he tried to swallow it down. Liam knew this was a bad idea that would no doubt have very bad consequences, but he hadn’t cared in his sleep deprived state. Now that he was no longer completely shattered, he was being faced with those very really, very troubling consequences. He was so completely fucked.

Just as Liam had started to shift to at least attempt his escape, Zayn’s arms tightened around him as he arched his back in a sleepy stretch, effectively pushing himself even closer to Liam. Liam felt himself tense in Zayn’s arms as the man stirred. Liam wasn’t ready to deal with reality, not yet. He just wanted Zayn to go back to sleep so he could figure his own shit out first.

“G’mornin’, Li. Sleep well?” Zayn murmured as he nuzzled his face into Liam’s hair. He let out a sleepy sigh as his movements came to a slow stop, but Liam still felt it as Zayn ghosted a soft kiss to the top of his head, which only made Liam even more confused because _what the fuck?_ What was going on? Zayn was acting like they _weren’t broken up_ and Liam didn’t know what to do with that.

Liam didn’t have to dwell on it for much longer because just as he’d opened his mouth to respond, Zayn jerked back with a muttered _fuck_ , almost rolling off the bed in his haste to get away from Liam. Liam pretended like the loss of contact and frantic movement didn’t upset him.

“Shit, Liam. I’m sorry, I—” Zayn cut himself off as he sat up properly and ran a worried hand through his hair. He looked entirely distressed, and Liam couldn’t really blame him. The feeling was sitting high in Liam’s own throat.

“’S okay, yeah?” Liam mumbled out before Zayn could say anything else. Liam was terrified whatever Zayn was about to say would only break his heart, and he wanted to save them both the trouble. Liam sat up himself, refusing to make eye contact. It was already terribly awkward—just like he knew it would be, _fuck_ —and he doubted looking at the regret that was probably filling Zayn’s eyes would help.

Zayn didn’t say anything for a moment, instead letting the uncomfortable atmosphere linger for longer than Liam would have liked. Couldn’t he just make his excuses and go already? Liam would very much like to lick his newly formed wounds in private, thanks.

Only, Zayn didn’t get up to leave. Instead, he scooted forward on the bed, lessening some of the distance between him and Liam. Liam looked up sharply, unsure why Zayn was moving in closer instead of further away.

“Liam?” Zayn murmured. Liam gulped, the intense look Zayn was directing at him only making his nerves spike. Liam knew that look intimately—Zayn was on the hunt for something, and he wouldn’t stop until he got it.

“Liam,” Zayn began again. “What are you thinking right now?”

Liam felt himself flinch in response to Zayn’s question. How was he supposed to answer that without sounding completely daft and still stupidly gone over Zayn? Liam crossed his arms over his chest, trying to school his features into a collected mask. He doubted it worked, but he hoped Zayn would still take pity on him and just drop it.

Zayn let out a huff, closing the remaining distance until he was sat right in front of Liam, practically in his lap. Liam really should complain, put some distance between them so he could think with a level head, but who was he kidding? He was never level headed when it came to Zayn.

“C’mon, Li. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking about right now. I know it’s about us sleeping together.” Liam couldn’t help the snort that escaped him at Zayn’s words. They had slept together in the literal sense, but Zayn’s phrasing made it sound like it was much more than just a cuddle. Zayn rolled his eyes in response, a smile twitching its way onto his lips. “You know what I mean. C’mon, out with it.”

Zayn reached forward to nudge Liam with his hand, and Liam batted it away. He was still fighting to think clearly with Zayn sitting so close, he didn’t need the man actually touching him. Liam bit his lip as he thought about Zayn’s question, still not sure how articulate his thoughts without sounding completely inane.

“I-I just…I,” Liam shrugged, breaking eye contact again. There was no way he’d be able to look at Zayn when he admitted this. “I really miss you,” he finished on a whisper. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push back the wave of emotion that threatened to over take him at the admission.

“ _Fuck,_ Li,” Liam heard Zayn breath out before the breath was being forced out of his lungs by the iron grip of Zayn’s arms around him. Liam wasn’t sure how to react, but he eventually pulled his thoughts together enough to return the embrace. He circled his own arms around Zayn, burying his head in Zayn’s neck and just _breathed_. He had thought about this so much—just fucking existing in Zayn’s presence; spending hours wrapped up in each other just because they could.

Liam was feeling a lot overwhelmed right now, especially since he wasn’t sure what any of this meant. Zayn was still very much here and wrapped around Liam while he was completely conscious. There wasn’t even the pretense of sleep since they had literally just woken up. Liam was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a soft sniffle come from the man in his arms.

“Zayn?” Liam asked, keeping his voice soft so he wouldn’t spook the man. Zayn only responded by letting out a small whimper, pressing himself more firmly into Liam. Liam’s heart clenched painfully, and his hands fisted in the back of Zayn’s t-shirt at the sound. He tightened his own arms around Zayn’s waist. “Zayn, baby, are you crying?” Zayn let out another muffled sob at Liam’s question, and Liam had to shut his eyes as pain once again blossomed in his chest. He hated when Zayn cried; all Liam ever wanted was for him to be happy and seeing the man cry never failed to make Liam’s heart sink.

“Please don’t cry, Zed. It’s gonna be okay, I promise. It’ll all be okay.” Liam kept murmuring soothing words, starting up a rocking motion to try and comfort Zayn. Liam didn’t know why he was crying, but he’d do almost anything to get him to stop—to bring that smile back, even if it wasn’t being directed at Liam.

“But it won’,” Zayn muttered out, his voice still muffled by Liam’s shoulder. Liam unclenched his hands from the back of Zayn’s shirt, instead choosing to run them up and down Zayn’s back in a soothing gesture.

“You don’t know that,” Liam said. He had no idea what Zayn was referring to, but Liam knew he would single handedly make it better if it meant that Zayn would stop being so upset.

Zayn abruptly pulled back, his tear streaked face on full display. Liam heart jolted painfully at the site, his own tears immediately threatening to break free at the site.

“But I do,” Zayn croaked. “I do know ‘cause we broke up and nothing’s been fine since. Everything’s fucking awful and I miss you and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Liam felt his heart jump into his throat at Zayn’s words, his pulse beating out an erratic rhythm as hope—the traitorous bastard—filled the place his heart had just been.

“Zayn,” Liam breathed, too overwhelmed by _maybes_ to say much else. Zayn must have taken it the wrong way, though, because the next thing Liam knew Zayn’s face was crumpling and he was throwing himself out of Liam’s bed and practically running for the door.

“I’m sorry, fuck. I should’ve known better. I’m so fucking sorry, Liam,” Zayn babbled as he made his was to the door. He had reached the doorway and was just about to cross out into the hallway before Liam realized what was happening. In a second, he was launching himself out of the bed and out of the door after Zayn. He caught up to him in the hallway, reaching out a hand to grasp Zayn’s wrist.

“Zayn, wait,” Liam said. He tugged on Zayn’s wrist to spin him around but ended up pulling too hard. Zayn stumbled towards Liam, unable to stop himself before he collided into Liam’s chest. Liam took advantage of the—admittedly convenient—circumstances and wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist so he couldn’t escape. When he was face to face with Zayn, he was at a loss for what to say. Liam was staring into those scared brown eyes and all he could think about was how much he loved Zayn. He knew he needed to say something to reassure Zayn, to somehow tell him that he didn’t want Zayn to leave again—not ever—but all that came out was, “I’m still in love with you.”

Zayn’s eyes widened, his lips parting in his surprise. His eyes searched Liam’s face, looking for any sign of dishonesty. Liam knew he wouldn’t find any.

“Liam,” Zayn breathed. He brought his own arms up to settle his hands on Liam’s shoulders, still keeping a little distance between them while they talked this through. “W-what does this mean?” Zayn’s face was carefully crafted into a mask that didn’t give too much emotion away, but Liam had always been able to see under the corners of that façade. Zayn’s expression showed the begging furls of hope—the same strands winding their way through Liam’s chest.

“It means breaking up was stupid. It means we were completely daft to think it was anything but a mistake. We can’t even get a proper night’s sleep without each other, for fucks sake.” Liam leaned forward, settling his forehead to Zayn’s as he let out a harsh breath. “Fuck, Zayn. I can’t think of a single thing I want more than for you to just _come home._ ”

Zayn let out another sob as he surged forward in Liam’s arms. Liam was concerned for all of two seconds before he felt Zayn’s lips press to his. Liam immediately relaxed into the kiss, pressing himself forward to return the kiss. He’d missed this, too. He missed everything about Zayn. Just as Liam was preparing to deepen the kiss, Zayn pulled his head back. Liam tried really hard not to pout about it, but he wasn’t entirely sure he succeeded.

“We still need to talk,” Zayn said. “Our break up might have been rash and stupid, but it was founded on legitimate reasons that we need to talk through, Liam.”

Liam let out a subdued sigh, sending a soft smile towards Zayn. “You’re right. I completely agreed.” Liam gave Zayn his best serious face as he spoke the words, but he soon dropped it when he followed with, “But right now, I just want to make out a little. I fucking missed you.”

Zayn let out a couple giggles, stretching on his toes to place an easy kiss to Liam’s lips. “I think I can get behind that idea.”


End file.
